Vision

Here is a message I just recieved from Tom. It is very late, so I assume he must view it as urgent business.

'Dear Dave.
I just wanted to provide you with a status update, focussing particularly on the last twenty or so minutes.

1) I broke my glasses. I did not sit on them. I want to make that clear. It turns out that there are other ways of breaking your glasses, ways in which my cartooned youth did not inform me.

2) I found my old glasses, but the prescription is slightly off. Allowing time for my eyes to begrudgingly adjust, I ask that if you pass me in the street, tottering, stumbling or in any way portraying an apparent offensive state of inebriation, please assist me, for I am infact just struggling to see where my feet are.

and finally

3) My television has broken. It turns on but will not show me the programmes. Sometimes it teases me with a dabble of dialogue, or some broken shards of an image (Peter Andre's face is a recurring theme), but it is not long before darkness once more fills my screen, and, alas, my heart.

On the plus side, due to my current total lack of vision, I cannot see the TV anymore.

Oh, and the heating has still not announced its arrival. Soon I will begin to warm myself by burning my Cheffins standing order. That'll teach somebody'